There was so much more I wanted to say in the last post, but I didn't...So, Taylor's music teacher has been writing down the lyrics that Taylor makes up since before Taylor could write.  Some of them have revealed to us things about Taylor that often surprise us, but they always make us proud.  The one I read this last Friday alluded to him pushing himself to do things he doesn't think that he can.  It was pretty cool.  Also, his skills on the drums are really coming along, so I am glad he is enjoying it.  I also can not remember the super cool things Trevor did that I wanted to capture here or the things that Jewel did that we loved, but, they will either happen again or I will remember them.  So, another day then.

trying...

Taylor is writing lyrics and practicing his own simplified version of "Iron Man" on his drums.  Jewel is getting herself up in the middle of the night to go potty.  Trevor and Jewel both went down the zipline alone at Mimi and Papi's!  (I know, my heart was pounding!) Here are a few videos from the Strawberry Festival and one from today.

soooo....

well, tomorrow is the last day of classes before spring break.  ha ha, my first college spring break, and i am 32.  i plan to have so much fun!  cleaning the house, catching up on some math practicing, writing a research paper for biology, and just in general doing all the things i love to do without classes interrupting.  i may try to watch a movie or two that i have been wanting to see.  i also plan to apply for a few jobs, but we are still not sure how the schedule will work.  i will probably have to find a babysitter  or two and work through the weekends, but i think it is worth it to see if we can make it work.  at least some income will help me when i move out.  i hope morlynn can stay a day or two during spring break and i hope i can get over to mosi one day.  but, i will definitely get my camera situation sorted out, so that i can take some pictures for this blog.  i didn't mean to abandon it, but this semester is something else.  i hope things get easier soon.

i will blog, i will blog....

i will take five minutes to talk about the kids, dang it.  whew, things are certainly going on around here.  jelly the bean is wearing big girl panties to school (just started this week) and she is actually, finally, celebrating being a big girl.  this is a change from her previous insistence that, "no, i a baby!".  she stood in the kitchen yesterday, with her hands in her pockets watching me cook.  it took me a few minutes to realize that she was mimicking the stance that one of her favorites among the daycare staff.  trevor is too busy to describe, but, i'll try to think of something quick.  hmmm, he has been pretending that taylor is the "gun guy", the "cowboy", and the "claw guy".  taylor says he uses the wrong weapons though.  when trevor is the "gun guy" he sometimes uses a lasso, or he uses the ninja sword when he is the "laser man".  taylor is sitting next to me with a dictionary in his lap, astronomy lecture on the tv.  we are looking up words from a workbook.  aside from the kids doing great and both of the adults working our butts off (literally, we workout all the time), things are certainly changing dramatically between us.  it has been time, it would seem, but the honeymoon is certainly over and we are going to be working hard to maintain our "friendship" until the end of this year.  if i believed in luck, i would wish for it now.  there, i blogged, now i can stop beating myself up for neglecting my responsibility for a few days.

March 3rd....

Yep, here it comes again, I have a midterm and Trent has to work.  We have acknowledged the day, and it has made us sad.  We are, however, too busy to whine and what good would it do anyway. 

have i mentioned that i hate socializing...

(if only i could keep my mouth shut, i will learn that lesson, one day) i know i am strange, and i appreciate that trent goes along with me.  sometimes, i don't realize that i am doing something unusual until someone asks a question that reminds me.  today, a girl in biology asked me why i am living with trent for so long if we are getting a divorce.  (she overheard me talking to a friend in that class...) i just said, "well we have kids".  i thought, surely that explains it.  she said, well, who is going to "get" the kids.  i said, "we are going to work together, but that is at least a year away."  "well, what does that mean, and how can you just keep living with someone you hate?"  (deep breath)  "i don't hate him, i just don't want to be married to him and he doesn't want to be married to me.  i mean, he is still a better man than most that i have met, and we have been, until recently, trying really hard to fix our marriage.  now, we have to get things lined up properly to quit the marriage without destroying our lives."  (then, i thought, didn't i just say "we have kids")  luckily, a guy, who i have spoken with before, in a different class, spoke up then, about his divorce.  he said, "when i decided i was done with my wife, i was done, i just moved out.  we couldn't live together anymore." they have 3 kids, too.  they all started talking about breakups and divorces and what they would do.  i have to say, i suppose this is strange (what trent and i are doing).  but, we have talked about what we wanted so much, and we were already so aware of our differences (let's call them), and we have tried very hard to be completely honest with each other, that neither of us feels the need to be mean.  now, we do both feel hesitation at the idea of not being the "trent and dana" that we have been for so long, and sometimes (different times for each of us) we think, "if only" this or that.  however, we never (for more than a minute or so, ha ha) think, i don't care what the consequences are, i can't live with you.  i suppose we are being selfish, but, we are also thinking of the kids.  (i know i've said this before, that conversation just got to me; this is why i shouldn't socialize, ha ha)  i just don't understand how you can go from working hard to build up your life, for 10 years, and then just dump it all away and even destroy some of it just like that, over a disagreement.  i suppose if one of us had done something really, really bad...but, anyway, even if i had gotten the apartment and moved out things would have been much the same.  one reason that i decided to wait, is that i would still have to be in this house with the kids so much that it would be annoying to have to pack up my things (school things) and go "home".  trent's hours don't really allow me much time after school to be at home before bedtime for most of the year, and he is going to see the kids at night (seriously, he is not a dad that can do weekends only, i think that would kill him).  besides that, i know he doesn't have time to clean the house (as much as it needs), he doesn't even get weekends off for parts of the year.  and, i have enough to do without another place to keep clean and i need to finish school, if i ever want to be the mom i want to be.  our marriage was just the legal mumbo jumbo that went with our desire to see each other become the people that we wanted to be.  we wanted to be a part of the lives that we saw each other trying to build.  that was it, and for all our changing, our ultimate dreams are still the same that they always were. the truth is, (and i am sure the same is true for trent) that as much as this hurts, and it does (a lot), we are reassured by that pain that we have done, and are doing the right thing for our family, and there is nothing more important than that.

so....

everything is going along about as well as we expected.  there are strange things happening in our relationship, distances growing and such, but so far, we are both handling them pretty well.  there has been an unusually large amount of external stresses lately (for about two weeks) that we have had to deal with.  however, nothing insurmountable has cropped up, so it is just a matter of endurance for us now.  the kids are astounding as usual.  jewel talked more during our last trip to the grocery store than i have ever heard from her in any other day.  she started talking to me when i was lifting her out of her seat and didn't stop until we were back at home.  i think that she only stopped then because her brothers interrupted her.  she described everything we passed and asked a million questions (both slight exaggerations).  i couldn't stop laughing at her.  trevor insists on running part of any run that he is a party to.  i try to run when trent is home so that i can finish, and sometimes just give in and run again later.  the best part is that i am getting back into shape faster, because of the kids.  even taylor has been participating by some running, some elliptical training, and especially push ups and sit ups with me.  he has gotten me to do them every night, which is appreciated.   trent is constantly bragging because he burns so many more calories on the elliptical than i do running, but when i get to do longer runs he doesn't beat me by much.  i am trying a program that will have me running a 5K in 12 weeks, but i am already ahead of the program, so... we'll see, maybe i will run farther.  i doubt it, i will have to find something that involves more strenuous strength training.  i am trying to get a stronger kick and punch now, and i have never tried to build strength in that way before, so i am not sure how i will proceed.  but, i know i will complete that program at the very least.  hopefully, i will be nearer my goal weight by the time i get there.  oh, and school is not going super duper, but it is still going good.  i am afraid that i may not be able to get an A in my math class.  i know i know how to do all of the math, but this teacher gives some tricky tests and (for a few reasons) i have not gotten my brain in line with that yet.  i am getting there, and we are starting the trig. stuff soon, maybe if i can get A's on all the tests and if i did better than i think i did on the last test,... i think it would, at this point, just be healthier if i force myself to let it go and convince myself that a b will be enough.  i mean, i can still get a's in my other classes, if i just relax about it.  deep breath, let it out slow, "a b will be just fine".  i don't think i will ever accept that!  anyway, everything is groovy and getting better. 

llife....

I am growing more and more disappointed with the blog.  Since the beginning of this semester, I haven't been capturing nearly as much of the chatter as I would like.  Jewel is talking so much, and although she still uses a lot more baby talk than the boys did at this age, the ideas that she is able to express are amazing.  This morning she said, "No, mom, the cereal is all gone."  She didn't want to eat cereal, she is so funny.  Now she is asking me to "Get the bee out of my nose, can you get the bee out of my nose..."  Her favorite thing to say is "I love that..." whatever it is ("my tinkerbell", "my pink/blue/purple/lellow/or whatever color, my baby, my ..." are the most common and she uses color to describe everything she can't name).  The boys are doing new things too.  Taylor remembered how to do a one leg takedown (3 years after his last lesson) and he completed two entire sections from the Algebra I review book (college algebra) by himself.  He is 25 lectures into the Astronomy course by Alex Fillipenko and completed the course on the Oddessey just out of curiosity.  Trevor is just hilarious 24/7, which is nothing new.  His lastest excuse for getting out of bed after bedtime was to ask Dad, "How does the little a go?"  Trent said, "A circle with a line down the side, now get back in bed."  The funny part is, Trevor said, "OK" and went back to bed.  He is constantly figuring out things that we are surprised by, but no examples come to mind right now.  Taylor is always amazed by the stories that Trevor makes up (about dragons, heroes, and robots, well everything really).  I tried to tell Taylor that he did the same thing at that age and that he was sometimes surrounded by adults who were listening to those stories in amazement, but he seemed doubtful.  Funny, because he writes stories constantly and invents games to go with those stories.  Tripp, Taylor's music teacher (for the last 7 years or so) has been playing a continuous game with Taylor for at least the last 5 years at the end of every lesson.  Trent just reminded me that we call Trevor, "Taylor junior" sometimes, because of the things he does.  So true, they are very similar, but still different.   So, that makes me feel a little better, now I have to get to work again.  :)

trash factory and the trouble with libraries...

our house became a trash factory this weekend.  i am still finding things that need to be recycled or chucked.  the guilt is very deep.  but, it is beginning to look more and more the way I imagined it when we moved in.  i will probably be working on it for another month at least.  i moved all of the bookshelves out of the library and into the classroom, so i had to move all of the furniture out of the classroom.  (trent had to work, of course) obviously that is a simplified summary of what went down, but all in all it was a little exercise and kind of fun.  aside from time, the only problem is that it was the library.  books are distracting to all of us, so moving them gets dragged out by our curiosity.  so, the redecorating is in progress, the superbowl is over (thankfully early, so trent could get some sleep), everyone is sleeping, and i am back to study land.  i am working ahead in all my classes now, and that makes me very happy.  i did get all the electronic "essentials" up and running again. i was also able to run a few times and even once with a weighted vest, and trent let me practice grappling with him, ha ha.  so, this weekend was very productive.  now, i will enjoy the quiet for a few hours and breathe deeply before my week begins.  (as if it ended...) 

alrighty then...

My best mile on my first run with a means of measuring time and distance was 10min25sec.  Not bad, I was never very fast when I ran.  And if you also consider that I was pushing 90 lbs of preschooler in the stroller and the tires needed more air, it's not so bad.  I suppose I have to "start" somewhere.  Besides having a way to track my running goals now, I have also gotten my homework/study situation resolved.  As long as I stay on top of it things should go smoothly and I should be able to stay ahead of it. Oh, I managed to squeak a B on the Spanish test, so I wasn't too upset.  I also have 3 of seven bookcases put together and two desks assembled, so I should have a considerable amount of the redecorating situation accomplished by the end of the weekend.  This is, technically, the furniture that is for my apartment one day.  I don't think Trent will need all the bookcases when I take all my books with me, ha ha.  He said something about a pool table....classic.  I will be over to use it, ha ha.  The kids are great, the little two ran about a half mile with me toward the end of my run, because they just couldn't sit the whole time.  Trevor said it was his turn to run!  Taylor learned some Brazilian beat (i forget the name) today on the drums, and was pretty proud of it.  Trent is, at this moment, finishing up in the rain, at the farm.  He has been working a lot, but did get a day or so of rain to take a break.  So, all is well, as usual.