so.....

Well, the semester is now clear before me.  I am pretty sure that I have a good idea of how things will go, considering all the various challenges.  Trent is going to be very busy when the plants recover from the freezing weather and start producing, I am ready for that.  It just means I have to get less sleep to keep up with my school work, but I am used to being sleep deprived.  We are getting better and better at balancing our "I care about you" with our "I really want a more separate life", and we are both coming to terms with what this year will mean for us as far as how much "moving on" we are able to do without causing problems.  The kids are ready, naturally.  School for Taylor should be as easy as last semester, not easy really, but it seems to get done without much worry, because it is our favorite thing to do.  So, as I said, when I consider all these separate issues, I get a good idea of what we are going to feel and deal with for the next several months.  I am trying to remind myself that more issues can develop, and that these issues could evolve, but really, just facing what we are facing is enough for now.  I really hate to go into a situation where I haven't taken the time to prepare myself for the emotions and struggles I may face. Now that I have had a chance to think about everything, especially now that I have seen it work for a week or so, I feel much more prepared and I finally feel that this decision isn't going to be a big mistake.   So, I will, at this, my last chance to climb out of the pool, just keep swimming.  Hopefully with a little more purpose than Dori. 

first day for all classes...

so, i have now met all of my teachers and this should be a great semester.  dr. brannan did not disappoint, he is hilarious and interesting.  and, all of my "unknown" professors seem to be very likeable and competent.  all of them have been at the college for over 15 years and it shows.  i hope i can land something steady like that quickly.  ha ha. but, seriously, i am pretty sure that this semester will come together fine.  i know chemistry will be pretty easy, especially after i saw my book.  chapter two covers basic algebra type conversions and significant figures, for real.  i remember a lot more from the subject than i thought i would.  there will be a ton of homework, but, only one paper of any length and most of the homework will be pretty easy and straightforward.  there is a lot of vocabulary in biology and chemistry, but not much of it is new.  there is a lot trigonometry that i don't remember, but it should come back fine and if i learned it once, i am sure i can again.  so, it begins!  hurrah!


so, i'll add a bit about the routine for the kids.  taylor does the same thing he did last semester while i am in class, he watches lectures or shows, or plays educational games on sites i direct him to visit.  he just generally learns stuff and completes activities to earn points for his game.  after school for me, when the babies come home, they play, color, learn, etc.  tonight, trevor wanted to read a couple books.  one of them was a "magic schoolbus" book about the body, so then we had to discuss that for a while.  while we were talking about it jewel was copying some of our sentences, he he.  taylor read chapter one of the chemistry book out loud for me, it was only 5 pages, then we talked about it.  then, there was a rousing debate, thanks to dad, of course, about "what came first the chicken or the egg?" and, the kitchen is clean; now i get to start my homework.  what a fantastic life! 

The "fruits" of 50 Years together...

Ha ha, no seriously, Walt and Jewel have been married 50 years, and their great grandchildren were living it up at the party!  The party was beautiful, the entertainment was hilarious, and the company was wonderful.  Taylor couldn't stop telling me what a great time he had and how beautiful the hotel was.  We all had a fantastic time and even the 2 am drive home and 7 am drive back (to help Trent) didn't deter from the enjoyment.  (The kids slept while I made the drive, thankfully, Mimi and Big Daddy were there.)  Trent had to miss the whole party to sleep and then, at 2 am went to the fields to help with frost protection.  He also had to miss the wonderful brunch to continue working from the night before.  So, we all hope it warms up soon!  Dad is trying to grow some berries here!

Saturday morning...

The only child of mine who still participates in watching Saturday morning cartoons is Jewel and even she did it with a Nintendo DS in her hands.  She was playing a Diego game.  "Can you help me play dis game, Momma?"  Trevor played it until he couldn't take it anymore then he woke Taylor up.  "Taylor, if you get up, we can play racing!" "Mom, I need the nunchuck for this game." Yes, Trevor knows how to play on his own, he just hates to do it.  "Do you want eggs for breakfast?"  "No, I need two hands for this!"  Ridiculous.  Even Taylor wanted breakfast before playing.  Video games are addictive, for real.

just some stuff...

 


 

AAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGHHH!

Just a little scream to relieve some anxiety. I really have a hard time with not knowing what is next.  I don't know how ready I am for this semester to start.  I was ready when the last semester ended, but so much has happened over this break.  I spent so much time at the beginning waiting for all of my various plans to come together, just to have it all tossed in the air and caught in a different order.  Trent changed his mind about things a hundred times and I didn't know what to decide at any given point.  Life even threw in some fun little surprises and not as fun lessons that were unrelated to the marital/financial/getting my own place struggles.  I actually spent months trying to find the best way to get my own place because I thought that it was the one thing we needed most.  Then, when I found a solution that I could tolerate the consequences of, just when I started the process that would make it all possible, life started hurling things at me.  Crazy, typical, I should be used to this.  Then, when I finished catching and juggling all the things I could, and I thought I had everything settled into place, Trent came along and started rearranging things.  Don't get me wrong, I am glad he did, but for everything that he moved, I had to move something too.  The entire process has been exhausting for everyone.  I think that I am finished juggling everything for at least two semesters, thank goodness, but seriously who can relax.  I mean, I can see life standing right there, just looking at me sideways with those dark eyes.  I see the ammo, just waiting to be hurled.  And, I am about to start another marathon of school , cleaning, kids, and exhaustion.  I hope I can keep one eye on life, but that is going to be tricky. I feel like I used to just before a majorette competition or swim meet, or just before I stepped into the saddle (or just before a test for that matter).  Ready, but not; confident, but not; I am sure I will give it my all, I am sure I will try my absolute hardest, I am sure that I have prepared thoroughly; but, I am not sure that I will have enough of what I need to finish where I want to finish.  I need A's, I want a scholarship. I refuse to let the kids' education suffer, the mess isn't going to clean itself, and Trent is working through his busy season right now.  Not to mention our other goals for our family, and the fact that our delicate dance between caring for each other and needing separation may hit some less than graceful steps...  Hmmmm, furious circles of thought are forming again. There is nothing to do at this point but brace myself and dive in.  So, deep breath, quick stretch, smile for the neurological buzz, and here we go!

very interesting....i could think about this all day!

Family quote for the coming year....

We don't really know what to say about it being New Year's Day, because we are all preoccupied with a gentle sadness, and a bit of apprehension.  Our "New Year" began months ago, and we are really facing unknown territory in our future, so frankly, we are at a loss for words. Our only promise/resolution is not something new, just something that will be more necessary than ever before, and that is to be understanding and helpful to each other.  We did decide on the quote for the next year, though.  We know this blog will continue regardless of the changes to our family, and so, too, will the quote of the year.  Next year, a fitting quote, "Live and let live." Happy New Year!

60,000 years ago...

time to get busy...

my little vacation with the kids is definitely almost over, i caught myself working on lots of this and that today, rather than playing.  the babies go back to school on Monday, we have several things going on (including Jewel's anniversary and Jewel's birthday, ha ha)over the next weekends. i have lots of house-keeping and house up-keeping to do next week while the little ones are in the care of someone else, and i have other errands related to the separation and school to handle, too.  so, definitely time to get my lists together, get my weeks planned, get ready to get ready, and get my derriere in gear.  dang it, real life. but, i get to buy my textbooks in just a few days!  so, real life is ok.  i am, when i don't allow all the other stuff going on to detract from it, very excited about another semester at school.  taylor and i are watching the anatomy lecture as a warm up for the biology class, and i have reviewed math and spanish, but just a touch.  i will have to do better if i really want to practice for the classes i face in the future.  i know this is going to get harder, and i am trying to arrange things and practice for that time.  and, as i never actually managed anything i have been handling as well as i would like, i don't know why i ever allow myself a break in the first place.  (no, i'm not really beating myself up, that is sarcasm)  but seriously, as i have said a thousand times before, it is time to get busy again.