Family quote for the coming year....

We don't really know what to say about it being New Year's Day, because we are all preoccupied with a gentle sadness, and a bit of apprehension.  Our "New Year" began months ago, and we are really facing unknown territory in our future, so frankly, we are at a loss for words. Our only promise/resolution is not something new, just something that will be more necessary than ever before, and that is to be understanding and helpful to each other.  We did decide on the quote for the next year, though.  We know this blog will continue regardless of the changes to our family, and so, too, will the quote of the year.  Next year, a fitting quote, "Live and let live." Happy New Year!

60,000 years ago...

time to get busy...

my little vacation with the kids is definitely almost over, i caught myself working on lots of this and that today, rather than playing.  the babies go back to school on Monday, we have several things going on (including Jewel's anniversary and Jewel's birthday, ha ha)over the next weekends. i have lots of house-keeping and house up-keeping to do next week while the little ones are in the care of someone else, and i have other errands related to the separation and school to handle, too.  so, definitely time to get my lists together, get my weeks planned, get ready to get ready, and get my derriere in gear.  dang it, real life. but, i get to buy my textbooks in just a few days!  so, real life is ok.  i am, when i don't allow all the other stuff going on to detract from it, very excited about another semester at school.  taylor and i are watching the anatomy lecture as a warm up for the biology class, and i have reviewed math and spanish, but just a touch.  i will have to do better if i really want to practice for the classes i face in the future.  i know this is going to get harder, and i am trying to arrange things and practice for that time.  and, as i never actually managed anything i have been handling as well as i would like, i don't know why i ever allow myself a break in the first place.  (no, i'm not really beating myself up, that is sarcasm)  but seriously, as i have said a thousand times before, it is time to get busy again. 

this week, so far...

relieved...

I just want to say, I am so glad that I married Trent.  No, we have not decided to give it another go, but, I can't imagine anyone being able to step up and get through this the way he has.  I didn't want our decision to become just a new reason to argue, or another struggle for us to face.  I was really concerned that we would both feel too hurt to really show that we still care about each other.  Both of us occasionally feel a little hurt, but knowing that the other person is hurt by it too, helps us get through.  So, things have been pretty good, sometimes we are both sad that everything is changing, but for the most part we are just glad that we get to enjoy all the things we have been striving for for 8 years and that we don't have to live "alone" yet, it makes divorce seem so much less depressing.  Ha ha, I know, I am strange.  But, for real, we are really great roommates.  We already know each others' pet peeves, schedules, and needs, and, even more useful, we are driven by habit to help each other.  It's really ridiculous, we forget not to hug goodbye and only remember not to kiss because we laugh every time we almost do.  It is really hard not to be besties when we know each other so well, ha ha.  We just decided that there was no reason to trash everything we have accomplished together and everything we were just because we don't want to see it through to "forever".  We didn't get married to trap each other, or own each other, but because we liked each other.  We still do.  I like him more and more every day that goes by, not being his wife shouldn't change that.  I mean, for real, he asked me to stay to enjoy all the financial benefits of the "post" just because, as he says, "You deserve it, and this is what we have been working for."  How can you hate a guy like that?  How can you not want to see that they find happiness (wherever that is)?  We have thoroughly explored our relationship and there is just no way around the problem in it, it will not work.  We have finally had several very honest, pretty long, talks.  We said all that we had to say, all that we felt we should and most of what we thought we shouldn't, and we now understand so much more than we ever did before.  We have stopped trying to "make it work", and have concluded that it won't.  However, we are having a hard time moving on.  We both really enjoy our lives the way they are, and we don't look forward to a) being alone and b)seeing what having two households does to our lifestyles, namely our finances. We have only just begun  the first efforts for some of our goals and have barely gotten to enjoy any of the results of our plans.  Neither of us is looking forward to the day I move out, we both keep wishing we could just pretend it wasn't coming.  Talk about procrastinating.  I am sure that as time passes, we will start to want more privacy or maybe we will get interested in someone else (although, we both find that an amusing idea, right now) and want space, but we are both creatures of comfort, and right now, we are curled  up in very cozy spots.  (Oh yeah, and the kids, they are happier, too; that's what I meant, ha ha, the kids, we did it for the kids.  ;)