free time for mom...

glad there are grandparents!

Taylor had another game today, and it was a good one! This post is going to take forever to finish. Jellybean is laying on my lap rolling around and laughing. She's alone with mommy and thinks it must be playtime. Taylor struck out twice and made it to second by balls once this time. But, he got a good contact on the ball once (and lost the bat) and sent one behind him over the fence once, so he did show some improved swinging ability. And he played catcher for 2 full innings and part of a 3rd (in a row). A low ball whacking him under the cup (not very bad) took him out of the third inning. He did an excellent job, but I could tell he was tired when he started the last inning as catcher. The boys tied the Pirates 13-13, but that's better than a loss and the game went back and forth after starting the 2nd inning down by 5. It was a fun game to watch and luckily I had lots of help with the babies. We had to be at the field an hour and a half before the game for pictures, so I had to pack a bit extra. My parents made it by 9 am or so. Dad followed Trevor around, Mom took care of pictures and Taylor, and Jewel and me colored. Then, Mom worked the concession stand (every family has to do it once) and Trent's parents took over with Trevor and Jewel. It was wonderful to get to watch the game with fewer chasing and care giving interruptions. Trent is working, of course. So, as I said, I'm very glad there are grandparents, and that ours are so wonderful. Trent has successfully dragged us to the gym every available day this week, so I was smiling as I informed him that the daycare closed at noon today (the game ended at 12:30) and I'll have to stay home with Jewel. Oh, darn. Speaking of Jewel, she is talking so much now. She says, "Mommy, want to go." I ask, "where?", and she says, "That way." Also, "I want milk" is very clear. And, she knows the names of tons of animals now. Yippee! I think I'll play with her now.

the game, the hit, and the future...

Last night, Taylor became a baseball player! His first at bat he got on base from balls again, and made it to third base, but the inning ended before he could get home. The second at bat, after playing in the outfield, he struck out. He handled it very well, and was only slightly disappointed with himself. That made me proud. Then, he played outfield again. His third turn at bat (he got moved up in the line up this game) he actually hit the ball and made it to first!! You could tell he was surprised that he hit it, because he hesitated for a second. He stole second and third(the fastest running I've ever seen from him) and made it home for the final run for his team. Then, he played catcher the last two innings, and was excellent. His coach said he will definitely become a regular catcher, which made Taylor very happy. The boys won 11 to 10 against the Phillies. It seems that all of them, even the more experienced team members are getting into their groove. Jordan hit a fantastic run and stole third and home like a track star. Pete hit a home run that was so beautiful the outfielder who was supposed to catch it, watched it with his mouth agape. And, you should see our pitchers, man they are good. I will make a few videos soon, hopefully with my new camera, if it gets back in time. I hope that is not the only hit Taylor makes, because I was entertaining Jewel at the time, and couldn't get a picture. (I've really gotten bad about not taking pics lately, just so busy, but I will make an effort to remedy this.) Trent took Trevor to the grocery store and did a little grocery shopping for us(what a great husband) while he was out getting supplies from the hardware store, and then met me at the game. He made it in time to see the hit and the catching, again with the perfect timing. We seem to be getting the hang of fitting all the new activities into the schedule without too much trouble. Now to squeeze in school for mom, and soon dance for jellybean, and we should be set. Thank goodness we don't have to rush out to work and school each day, that really makes all the extra activities so much more fun. I am still disappointed that I will have to let the babies go to school for two years or so (K-1, probably), so I can go to school. I know that they won't have much homework during those grade levels, so we will still have some time for at home schooling and fun. And I will be in some of my more difficult (and therefore, fun) classes then, so I will be grateful for the reduced "mom" responsibilities, but I am already feeling some guilt and sadness about the decision. I'm also a little worried about the things that they may hear and see at school. Even in first grade, Taylor came home with some very interesting stories from some of the other kids. Gross, disturbing songs, sick stories, and horrible words and memes get passed around school even to the really young. Kindergartners with boyfriends, talking about drugs, and even sharing memes like "boys don't this, girls do that, and if you're cool you dress this way and dance like that." Seriously, it doesn't bother some, but it drives me nuts to expose my kids to those ridiculous and wasteful ideas. But, time marches on, and I don't want school to take too long. Who knows, it may be good for the kids to get the experience around so many other children and adults, and it will help them understand what "school" is all about. I know I can't shield them from life and I don't want to, but I want them to experience it in a realistic way, not in the "pop culture" way that so many seem to believe is "real". But, Taylor went to school through third and is a fantastic kid, so I shouldn't let myself get bothered by it. The cute little things they make and bring home are fun, and they may do a play or musical, which will be fun. Trevor just wants to ride a school bus. I gave him the famous "mom" line, "We'll see."

the gym

Trent finally did it. He finally pleaded long enough and we joined the gym again. I really love running on a treadmill (now that I have kids), and I think the kids enjoy playing in the daycare. I just hate all the colds that they inevitably bring home. But, this is what Trent wanted for his birthday, so this is what we are doing. Now that I have explored all the little extras, I am really glad he convinced me to check it out. Unlike our previous Y experience, we can actually utilize more of the little extras and there are more of them available here. Trevor is taking a tot and mom gymnastics class, that was fun this morning. Jewel will start a dance class in a few weeks. And Taylor got to swim in the pool alone, while we did gymnastics. The best part about classes at the Y is that while one child is in class, the other gets babysitting. It is very hard to keep one toddler occupied while another plays. Taylor's lessons are the hardest (none are at the Y) and I have to keep both toddlers happy, away from home for hours at a time. That is also why I like the treadmill now. Fresh air is fantastic, but if your run is interrupted with the screams of bored babies it is no fun. The treadmill (at the gym) involves no such interruptions.

D-backs in the domicile!!!

The boys won tonight, 16 to 12, following a fantastic practice last night. Taylor was in the zone in the cages at practice, so he was excited to get to bat. He also expected to play catcher, because he got to practice for the first time last night. He didn't get to play catcher, the game was called before the last inning because of a two hour limit to games. He didn't hit the ball either, but he did take one very confident swing and made one run. He made it on base each of his two batting attempts because of balls. Trent got to operate the score board (and it was our night to provide snacks). It was a fun game to watch and my parents got to watch part of it. Last night, in the batting cages, Taylor was really showing improvement. He only missed 5 or so of the 30 pitches and really whacked several. I am sure by the next time he gets up to bat he will be confident enough to swing more often. Trevor is staying with Mimi and Big Daddy, and Jellybean is asleep. Funny thing, it just occurred to me, as I pour over textbooks and resources, that I don't have to "teach" tomorrow. I guess I got so caught up in the week, that I didn't realize that Trent is off (for once) tomorrow and Taylor is going away for a night. Sometimes, I feel like I am waking up from a dream, or being released from a captivity (not a bad one, more like an isolation) when I suddenly find myself with unplanned time off. My brain gets used to running in overdrive, so I think, "oh, I can stop wondering where the babies are? I can stop wondering if Taylor is learning anything? I am "free to go", do I really have time for that?" It is like my brain has to slowly wind down. So tomorrow I get to work on the house, rather than the children, what a refreshing break. At least I will have Trent's company while I work.

a little TED on a lazy afternoon...

tidbits about the kids....

I said to Taylor, "Start a lecture, not math please." He said, "Is Game Theory .." I knew "OK" was coming and said, "Yes". He said, "considered math?" And started laughing. "You should listen to the entire question." What a little smart ass, so funny. He also got brave enough to challenge me to a little grappling. And, the crazy part, he actually thought he could beat me. It was so exciting to find that, while I can still win, he was a little bit of a challenge. Jewel is every bit of two. She tells me "no" at least 5 times a day and will run away laughing at the first "command". Her favorite thing to do now, seems to be waking Taylor up. And, even though the person coming through the front door is almost always Daddy, she always runs to it calling "My Mimi!" when someone knocks. Trevor is full on schooling, well at a preschool rate. He is learning to recognize letters and the sounds they make, and already knows all his colors and shapes. He is even starting to ask questions about how his body is built and works. With all the questions he asks and spontaneous learning activities that pop up, he is in school, as much as Taylor is. He even said to me, a few evenings ago, as he left the bathroom, "Mom, I'm afraid I have bad news, I have to go to my school." We could only laugh.

another game....

Well, the team has begun practicing twice a week, and losing twice a week it would seem. Taylor had two amazing outfield plays, one resulting in an out. He struck out his only at bat, by not swinging. He thought they were too close. He'll get there eventually, we are going to add in a few more batting sessions when we can. The team lost 12 to 2, and were all very down on themselves. Hopefully a Friday practice will help them feel better about the game Saturday. Trent and I solved the problem we had with the babies. It is really an exhausting and unnecessary break in the babies routine, to take the babies to a game. Neither of us gets to watch the game (the babies don't want to) and the babies don't go to bed on time. Add in two practices each week and that's four nights that the schedule is disrupted. So, Trent took Taylor and Trevor to the game, and left after the third inning (a block away). Jewel was almost asleep, so Trent kept both the babies, while I watched the end of the game and brought Taylor home. I didn't even miss him playing. It won't work every time, but it is a helpful tactic. I would have been able to take pictures without the babies there, but the batteries were dead. Typical for me. "Both hands full and my dress up", as my Dad would say.

yesterday....

Four days ago, I was sitting with Trent while he had time off. The conversation inspired me to write a little note that I thought I would post about yesterday. I didn't. I was going to several times, but time got away from me, and now I can't find the note. I am sure that I will remember what it said, or find it, but really, the point is that I didn't feel that I had to, and the day just passed. In previous years, "the day" stopped and stomped on us for a month or two. We have made more progress toward healing, this year than any other single year in the past. I don't know why I call it healing, but, basically I mean that we are able to accept and move past the fact that Ethan died. It has been six years! The date 3-3-03 is forever seared into my memory, but I still had to do the math to make sure I wasn't mistaken. I thought about describing the scene that morning, but, I think it will wait for next year. I doubt that I will forget it, and I am just not up to it. Also, thanks to Taylor's curiosity and Trevor's desire to start "school", I am just too busy. I am relieved that school days and studying and anything really, can finally distract me enough to forget for a few hours at a time that I can't have Ethan back. That has been the hardest thing to get back, the ability to be interested in life again. And, I would call yesterday a success. I knew what day it was, acknowledged it, and then forgot again and again as I did all the things I enjoy. ahhhhhh, that is a sigh of relief, we may just survive this after all.

games for girls...