D-backs in the domicile!!!

The boys won tonight, 16 to 12, following a fantastic practice last night. Taylor was in the zone in the cages at practice, so he was excited to get to bat. He also expected to play catcher, because he got to practice for the first time last night. He didn't get to play catcher, the game was called before the last inning because of a two hour limit to games. He didn't hit the ball either, but he did take one very confident swing and made one run. He made it on base each of his two batting attempts because of balls. Trent got to operate the score board (and it was our night to provide snacks). It was a fun game to watch and my parents got to watch part of it. Last night, in the batting cages, Taylor was really showing improvement. He only missed 5 or so of the 30 pitches and really whacked several. I am sure by the next time he gets up to bat he will be confident enough to swing more often. Trevor is staying with Mimi and Big Daddy, and Jellybean is asleep. Funny thing, it just occurred to me, as I pour over textbooks and resources, that I don't have to "teach" tomorrow. I guess I got so caught up in the week, that I didn't realize that Trent is off (for once) tomorrow and Taylor is going away for a night. Sometimes, I feel like I am waking up from a dream, or being released from a captivity (not a bad one, more like an isolation) when I suddenly find myself with unplanned time off. My brain gets used to running in overdrive, so I think, "oh, I can stop wondering where the babies are? I can stop wondering if Taylor is learning anything? I am "free to go", do I really have time for that?" It is like my brain has to slowly wind down. So tomorrow I get to work on the house, rather than the children, what a refreshing break. At least I will have Trent's company while I work.

a little TED on a lazy afternoon...

tidbits about the kids....

I said to Taylor, "Start a lecture, not math please." He said, "Is Game Theory .." I knew "OK" was coming and said, "Yes". He said, "considered math?" And started laughing. "You should listen to the entire question." What a little smart ass, so funny. He also got brave enough to challenge me to a little grappling. And, the crazy part, he actually thought he could beat me. It was so exciting to find that, while I can still win, he was a little bit of a challenge. Jewel is every bit of two. She tells me "no" at least 5 times a day and will run away laughing at the first "command". Her favorite thing to do now, seems to be waking Taylor up. And, even though the person coming through the front door is almost always Daddy, she always runs to it calling "My Mimi!" when someone knocks. Trevor is full on schooling, well at a preschool rate. He is learning to recognize letters and the sounds they make, and already knows all his colors and shapes. He is even starting to ask questions about how his body is built and works. With all the questions he asks and spontaneous learning activities that pop up, he is in school, as much as Taylor is. He even said to me, a few evenings ago, as he left the bathroom, "Mom, I'm afraid I have bad news, I have to go to my school." We could only laugh.

another game....

Well, the team has begun practicing twice a week, and losing twice a week it would seem. Taylor had two amazing outfield plays, one resulting in an out. He struck out his only at bat, by not swinging. He thought they were too close. He'll get there eventually, we are going to add in a few more batting sessions when we can. The team lost 12 to 2, and were all very down on themselves. Hopefully a Friday practice will help them feel better about the game Saturday. Trent and I solved the problem we had with the babies. It is really an exhausting and unnecessary break in the babies routine, to take the babies to a game. Neither of us gets to watch the game (the babies don't want to) and the babies don't go to bed on time. Add in two practices each week and that's four nights that the schedule is disrupted. So, Trent took Taylor and Trevor to the game, and left after the third inning (a block away). Jewel was almost asleep, so Trent kept both the babies, while I watched the end of the game and brought Taylor home. I didn't even miss him playing. It won't work every time, but it is a helpful tactic. I would have been able to take pictures without the babies there, but the batteries were dead. Typical for me. "Both hands full and my dress up", as my Dad would say.

yesterday....

Four days ago, I was sitting with Trent while he had time off. The conversation inspired me to write a little note that I thought I would post about yesterday. I didn't. I was going to several times, but time got away from me, and now I can't find the note. I am sure that I will remember what it said, or find it, but really, the point is that I didn't feel that I had to, and the day just passed. In previous years, "the day" stopped and stomped on us for a month or two. We have made more progress toward healing, this year than any other single year in the past. I don't know why I call it healing, but, basically I mean that we are able to accept and move past the fact that Ethan died. It has been six years! The date 3-3-03 is forever seared into my memory, but I still had to do the math to make sure I wasn't mistaken. I thought about describing the scene that morning, but, I think it will wait for next year. I doubt that I will forget it, and I am just not up to it. Also, thanks to Taylor's curiosity and Trevor's desire to start "school", I am just too busy. I am relieved that school days and studying and anything really, can finally distract me enough to forget for a few hours at a time that I can't have Ethan back. That has been the hardest thing to get back, the ability to be interested in life again. And, I would call yesterday a success. I knew what day it was, acknowledged it, and then forgot again and again as I did all the things I enjoy. ahhhhhh, that is a sigh of relief, we may just survive this after all.

games for girls...

Trent is 30!!! Hippy Barthday, Dear!

Last night, Trent was recounting a conversation he had with a friend and said, "I was 22 when I met Dana." I didn't want to believe that he was really just 22 when we started dating. I remember saying that he was too young to date. I obviously underestimated him, and overestimated myself. When we met for the second time, (6 months later) we just enjoyed the conversation so much that each time we saw each other after that we were drawn into a long evening of talking. Eventually, we managed to get brave enough to actually plan a get together. We were both at a place in our lives where we were glad to have someone say, "I see who you really are, and I think you are great." I know that this may sound simple, but we were immature, unsure, and simple. We are still pretty simple, but together we have grown in ways we didn't even know we needed to. I am very grateful for the strength and changes that our relationship has brought to me, and (from our conversations) I know Trent is also. I intended to post baby pictures and pictures from school for this post, but I just didn't get it together in time. However, as I was looking through the pictures that we have on the computer, I was struck by the fact that even the pictures that don't show Trent, have bits of Trent in them. His presence and influence in our daily lives does not go with him to work, and not just because he thinks of us and works "for" us. He has wrapped himself around our family and everything he does is for us and because of us. I feel very lucky to be able to depend on him so completely. There has grown a facet of our relationship that involves depending on each other, such that without either of us, the other would be forced to learn things we haven't had to think about doing in at least 5 years. This could seem foolish to some, but to us, right now at least, it is the joy, and kind of the point of our union. We relish in our interdependence. I grow more grateful of it every year. I hope one day I can help him get back a bigger chunk of time for himself, but frankly, I don't think he would use the time for anything that is only for him, if he could. Even last night, as we were trying to enjoy a (way too quiet) evening alone, we both felt a little uncomfortable and strange. After a few hours in the quiet house we both (kind of) wished the kids were here, we missed them, but also, we were bored. We wanted to do what we have become accustomed to doing all night, playing with the kids and being parents. Wow, we are 30 something parents now, aren't we. Trent has teased me for a year and a half about being in my 30's, so Happy Birthday, dear.... Welcome to 30!! Ha ha ha. We love you and are so glad to have you, I hope I am around to tell you Happy 90th Birthday, too!