It is a New Year...

I read The Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams to the kids before I put them to bed tonight.  This is my favorite excerpt. It is the page that has always meant something to me.  It means so much more now.

"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room.  "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse.  "It's a thing that happens to you.  When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

 "Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful.  "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse.  "You become.  It takes a long time.  That's why it doesn't often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept.  Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby.  But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."  

Here's to a hopeful New Year!  

Mom's quote for the year...

I like this one better, because it is more like the attitude that I have always had and need now more than ever.. "Even if you fall on your face, you're still moving forward."  Victor Kiam

Quotes for the new year... I will make it "Mom's quote" now.  This one didn't make it, but it will be added to the side bar.  "No one can be happy who has been thrust outside the pale of truth. And there are two ways that one can be removed from this realm: by lying, or by being lied to."  Lucius Annaeus Seneca.  I don't know yet, I may still choose differently, but right now I will use..."Anger is like those ruins which smash themselves on what they fall."  by the same author.  I think though that it is not a reminder I need, so perhaps I am choosing it for the wrong reason.  We'll see...

The old profile...

Not sure if this has been posted before, but this is the profile that has been up until today.... I will be changing it momentarily..... trying to stay positive from now on, because the choice to change this has been taken from me.  I really don't feel like it has all sunk in yet, but I know I am disappointed that things didn't get better when I moved out.  I thought that would turn everything around.  Or at least slow it down.  So, here I am, and here goes a different life again...

Why a werewolf, a vampire, and pirates? When we first started dating, we had a discussion about a silly question. Would you rather be a werewolf or a vampire? I said vampire, and he said werewolf. We debated this ferociously for a while, and finally agreed that we were just different. The longer we have shared a life, the more we have seen that these answers said more about us than we realized. Do you have faith in brute strength or subtle ability, do you control yourself or act from instinct, do you howl at the moon sometimes or is every night an opportunity for spontaneous adventures? We've also learned that these differences don't matter as much as the fact that we could have the conversation at all. Our poor children are pirates because they pillage fun wherever they find it, and are raised by goons like us! Just two ill-prepared, "not really ready for it" parents, rushing to figure out the "right way" to parent and live, while we get our ducks in a row for our kids, preferably before they are grown. ha ha (that sums it up best) Just me, talking to myself, about us. my little excursion into blogging. a work in progress, much like my life...

a little happy in this sea of sad...

honesty would be grand...

There are only two of us that know the truth.  I was optimistic when I started talking about things on this blog, because I thought that focusing on the positive would help us see what we were losing.  I thought that it would help me have the strength to do what I knew I had to.  I never had a choice really.  Now, it seems that my leaving is being held against me.  Ironically, it is being held against me by the very people who gave me no choice about leaving.  I only hope that when the truth finally becomes evident to them, that they can see it.  It is sad when you are living in a false world, one created by the lies others have spun.  I only wanted the respect I deserve, I never wanted a divorce.  I don't believe that they really believe that going to school makes me selfish, but they are certainly playing that role to the nines, so perhaps they really do believe it. I know that I did try to keep everyone happy, but in that I failed miserably.  I just knew what I could allow myself to tolerate and what I could not.  I know that I would rather be single than be in a dishonest relationship.  I know that I did have great intentions, and that I never asked for more than I was willing to give.  I suppose you  can only control what you do, not the choices of others.  Still, it is hard to watch a loved one head down a path along which you can not follow. I wish the two of us who know the truth would use the truth to make our decisions.   I wish those who don't know the truth would recognize that they don't.

PS- the double team attack traumatized me as much this time as it did last time, thank you very much.  it is interesting the number of times i have apologized when others have wronged me, that will not happen again.  you should learn more about what you are really defending.

i just spent some time reading the blog...