my phat little blog: 04/18/2010

Thursday, April 22, 2010

After a few rough weeks, Trent and I have decided that while this still isn't the worst thing we've been through, it is definitely the second worse by a large margin. We are really trying to keep talking to each other in honest and loving ways, but there is a lot of hurt and disappointment in the house. Also, there is just so much going on at once. I can't wait to have something better for the kids. We have done a really great job at minimizing the effect of this on the kids, but that is a relative thing. It is not minimized as much as I want (which is completely) but, there are long periods of completely normal (to them), and I am trying to be reasonable. We are doing good, how can it not be partially bad. I do know that the end result can be better if I leave than if I stay, so that is all I can do now. Sometimes, I am too overwhelmed to be able to pick one thing to talk about, so I just don't talk. I am starting to avoid my friends at school and all my usual outlets of stress in a futile attempt to catch up. I think I would get farther if I allowed myself a break and a long talk of some sort to get it out, but that is not going to happen until finals are over. So, I will welcome myself to "suck it up land" and continue with the fight that I've mentioned before. I think I can, I think I can, I know I can, I know I can....

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

story of my life...

this sucks! i feel very young and unsure, stressed and restless, and emotionally exhausted. we could all really use some extra time and a little more fun. trent and i have been searching for it relentlessly and only occasionally find it and only with the kids. the kids, thanks to the mimis have been having fun. i have been studying and trying to find a comfortable place to sit. trent has been working out like mad. i haven't run regularly in 3 weeks and haven't been tracking any of my working out (there hasn't been a lot). the stress of moving out sooner than we planned is crushing me. but, i am still fighting back, and i know i have the endurance, because what choice do i have. story of my life.

Words of Wisdom

Hay muchos bobos que nacen, pero son más los que se hacen.

The unexamined life is not worth living. Socrates

Study without desire spoils the memory, and it retains nothing that it takes in. DaVinci

The man who makes everything that leads to happiness depend upon himself, and not upon other men, has adopted the very best plan for living happily. This is the man of moderation, the man of manly character and of wisdom. Plato

What difference does it make to the dead, the orphans, and the homeless, whether the mad destruction is wrought under the name of totalitarianism or the holy name of liberty or democracy? Mahatma Gandhi

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. Dr. Seuss

"The heart breaks and breaks and lives by breaking. It is necessary to go through dark and deeper dark and not to turn. ---from "The Testing Tree" by Stanley Kunitz

"Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocrities. The latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously uses his intelligence and fulfills the duty to express the results of his thought in clear form." Albert Einstein

If anyone can demonstrate to me and convince me that I am thinking or acting incorrectly, I will happily change; for I wish to know the truth, which never caused injury to anyone. Marcus Aurelius

The greatest danger to our future is apathy. Jane Goodall

It is from care that blessings arise. It is from carelessness that troubles arise. Siddhārtha Gautama

Imagination is a quality given to man to compensate him for what he is not, and a sense of humor was provided to console him for what he is. Oscar Wilde

A Child Of Five Would Understand This! Send Someone To Fetch A Child Of Five. Groucho Marx

May your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome, dangerous, leading to the most amazing view. Edward Abbey

Everybody is a genius. But, if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will spend its whole life believing that it is stupid. Albert Einstein

The most effective kind of education is that a child should play amongst lovely things.
Plato

The difficultly with marriage is that we fall in
love with a personality, but we must live with a
character.
Peter Devries

Tell me and I forget. Teach me and I remember. Involve me and I learn.
Benjamin Franklin

No one can be happy who has been thrust outside the pale of truth. And there are two ways that one can be removed from this realm: by lying, or by being lied to. Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Random Musings (that amuse me) by the Mom unless otherwise noted

"Facts are not bound by belief, learning shouldn't be either."
"The learning is in the discussion, not the resource."
"I don't scrapbook, therefore I blog."
"When I was younger, I expressed myself through self-destruction."
"Backtracking, one charred bridge at a time."
"Some people call me a nerd, I just call it Lucky."
"Mom: This position pays only an ever increasing workload. Sanity not required. Days off: none. Hours: 3 am- 2am daily. Applicants should be able to hold a wriggling 40 lbs and be fast on your feet. Wrestling experience a plus. Zoo experience also a plus. Must be self-motivated, and able to go days without food or sleep. "
"My universal excuse: I was distracted and/or confused. I am both right now. Occasionally I am distracted by things I understand and confused by things I can ignore. But, more often I am confused by distracting things or distracted by confusing things. But, I am sure that whenever I wronged you, it was some combination of confused and distracted. OOH, look at that. What is that?"
"I apologize too much; I'm sorry."
"I don't blog for you; I blog for me."
"I see a different world now, than I once did. But, it is not the world that has changed."
"Cut me some slack; 'Amazing' takes time."
"Corn, it's what for dinner."- the Dad
"Digging through the shit from your past is easier with two people working the shovels." (he he)
"Sometimes you think you have conquered something, only to realize that you didn't even understand what it was."
"An excuse for every stretchmark and a story for every wrinkle is the culmination of a happy life."
"It's easy to miss your own courage, and it's great when you have a partner who can remind you of it."
"Simply saying, 'There's some debate about that.' Does not make you right."
"If I knew what I would expect from myself as a mother, I might have been too intimidated to give birth."
"You can have money and time, or kids."
"I'm only 16 1/2 years old, on Mars."
"The problem is that messes are so quick to make, and take so long to clean up."
"Not exactly 'domestic goddess', more like 'forced domestic'."
"When I was young and stupid, I couldn't be bought!"
"The things you are doing and saying now, only make me more sure that I was right to leave."