And then sometimes...

the costume that your wonderful and deserving son just had to have, (even though it could only be ordered from Hong Kong, with expensive shipping costs) arrives just 5 hours before the big family Halloween parties. We were already preparing him for the let down, because we just didn't think it would make it in time. But, we got it, just now!!! Whew! When your kids are as amazing as ours, it makes you happy when you're able to come through for them.

Sometimes....

situations arise that make us question our choices. I have heard that ignorance is bliss, but I think in some cases you have to know what your missing to appreciate what you have. There are times (particularly bill paying times, but sometimes sick kids times, or I need to get this done and no one can babysit times) when we think it would just be easier to allow others to do the daily grind with our kids. It would be easier to make it through the bills if we both worked, it would be easier to potty train if the day care did it for us. I know that first hand from Taylor. I worked he went to daycare and magically he learned to use the potty. I barely had to participate in the process. I have to be honest, I am not going to divulge my soul here... I will however admit that this week (week and a half, really) was one of those times. For various reasons I doubted my ability to live up to my own expectations. I considered putting Taylor back in school, finding a daycare, and looking for a job. People expect less of you when you just follow the crowd, it is when you try to do your own thing that they expect spectacular results. If I didn't remember how unhappy we were, I'm sure I would have "given up". I actually (on facebook) mentioned that I was "fighting the urge to give up", when someone reminded me that "it must be worth fighting for". He was right. But, as I said, sometimes you question your choices when things get tough. I'm glad I am well informed. If I were ignorant to the benefits, ignorant to the reasons for our choices, or ignorant to the consequences of going back I would have given up. It was our ignorance for so many years that caused us most of the problems that still occasionally show up. It is our conscious choices and careful thought that will eventually get us where we want to be. There are times when we look around and are so proud of our lives, so proud of where we are, and so glad that we are not ignorant. We chose this life, the life we had before was like a pit we fell into. We can see the top now, and it is a ladder of choices we are climbing out on, we left the ignorance and it's "bliss" at the bottom. I will not jump back to the bottom now.