Just a tidbit

I am blogging on Altglobe.com now, so go there and vote for me, if you will. Also, there are some great posts, and some entertaining ones there. If you are looking to debate all your frustrations out, there is excellent opportunity. these are the comments from the original post of this 4 comments: cristele said... Yeah! I think "Defending Unicorns" post on www.altglobe.com is one of the most popular this week! August 29, 2008 7:38 PM circusmind said... It is really great to have feedback. I can't seem to convince any of my family to comment on the blog, and no one else finds it. =) August 29, 2008 8:22 PM cristele said... ahah dont worry about family :-) I have done a private blog especially for them that i know they never ever checked -thanks to wordpress statistics -:-D but that's ok, they are just not into blogs as I am Your blog defending unicorn is fighting with fakeplastic fish....on the front page all the way down PS: exclusive stats for you: 17 persons went to altglobe from your blog...see? see? you have faithful admirers/readers/friends/family! September 4, 2008 1:10 PM circusmind said... Yippee! Yay me! Thanks, that is helpful to know!

Is there a scientist in the house....

I am just a nobody, with a basic education, trying to understand all of this, but...Ugg, I just can't do it. I am not completely lost in the world of studies, and I am actually considered an intelligent person. I do know "science" in general, and I can understand fairly complicated ideas. But, I will not type in another ingredient from the back of this styling pomade. It is a cream that was given to my son, to fix his hair. I was actually checking the ingredients because I was considering using it this weekend. My hair is uncontrollably frizzy and curly, especially at the beach. The product itself is not listed in the database, so I have to search by individual ingredients. And, there are a lot of them. But, just three ingredients in and I am exhausted. I even skipped the first 6 ingredients because they were all just plant names, not necessarily safe, but I am in a hurry. The first ingredient has a 90% data gap, and now I want to know what contributes to this number. There are 13 studies with information that is very difficult to apply to the information on an ingredients list. I don't know what amounts I am being exposed to. And yet, I trudge on to the next ingredient. Ah, glycerin, no need to search right? Actually, I am glad I did; there is a 70% data gap, which still seems high. However, there is a broad range of studies and I could actually get a feel for what they were saying. But, the check indicating toxicity in the box at the top of the page is scary. And, I still don't know if I think it is safe or not. But, I can see that more information is helpful. So, one more ingredient. The data gap is 84%, and now that I've seen glycerin, I feel better about what that means. But, nothing can make me feel better about all the checks and that red circle. 6-8 is the risk level from EWG, not good. But, some of the studies listed actually involve other forms of this ingredient, and I don't see anything that looks more serious than the product listed as a 3 risk. And, the studies available might as well be in gobbledygook. I guess I will have to do without it, and check some other sites for information, when I get back. For now, I am defeated by a styling product, it's just too complicated. When I do start looking again, I will begin with these. National Toxicology Program and Cosmetic Ingredient Review. And, who are these guys anyway?

What a long tense month it's been...

...and, we finally got the keys!!! Yah! Yippee! Hurray!! But, of course, we already had plans this weekend. Plans that involve a promise to our eldest. There is no backing out for the sake of the move. The only option is postponing the move, go figure. I am so relieved that this part is over. Last night I had to dig my game notes out and fiddle just to settle my mind. Don't get me wrong, there has been plenty of benefit from the wait. If just for the time to goof off a little. And, I always enjoy time to think, I have a lot of that left to do. But, it is hard to leave out our favorite things when the house is in disarray. I already had to replace the game board twice, before I started the blog, because Trevor colored on it. And, several expensive trinkets found their way into abandoned water glasses in Taylor's room. Anything that is in reach is at serious risk of destruction. The new place should allow us to protect our possessions from team destruction. And, they don't mean harm, they just like to do what you do. For instance.... Today, unable to wait anymore, Trent installed the ceiling fans. 6 in one day, not bad. It almost felt like home, but only in the sense that I have been rearranging furniture in it, in my head for two months. I can say that staying at our, i guess, "old" house tonight feels so sad. I really loved this place, and it feels like home. I remember how excited I was that we planned to stay here 5 or 6 years. And, we really felt sure it would work. Then, out of the blue, I learned just the right tidbits about homeschooling, life twisted just so, and the move became inevitable. Man, when it comes out like that I realize how much our plans have morphed because of our changes. And, how much we have had to just "survive" with. I sometimes look at our parents and think, "There is no way that they were this unsure of themselves at this age." And, then I think, "Is that good or bad?" I don't know, but I will be glad when everything is exactly the way I expect and I always know what to do..... hmmm, I think I am wishing to be "settled" and to stop learning. Nevermind. For a bunch of non-shopping, used to just being happy with what you have people, we really enjoyed getting some new stuff today. Even the kids enjoyed getting the "grown up" stuff. I really don't know if I'll be able to let myself really enjoy the beach, because I really want to get our "stuff" moved in. But, if your not moving, and the house is in boxes, the beach is the place to be. And, Morlynn gets to go, and all the family will be there, so .... yep, icing on the cake and I'll enjoy it all. Wow, I think I haven't been this smiley and cheerful since 2003. Weird. As soon as we arrived, Trevor broke the place in with an accident. Naturally. Then, Jewel and Trevor explored and hid in every nook and cranny. And Hogan found a salamander ( maybe a gecko? ) in the closet. When Taylor caught it (not by the tail) it still detached the tail in his hand. He could not stop describing this to me. No matter how quickly I tried to get away from the story. "No, mom, it just curled up and shivered, and the tail just came off, zip, like that, that fast. Mom,... just listen..." I missed it, and my video only caught the tiniest last twitch of the detached tail that Jewel was playing with. Fun...yaaah! (um, i don't completely mean that; it's actually the kind of fun you wish they had with your mom or sister.) Then, Jewel tried to play with it. Taylor helped Trent until I got there, then, relieved of his duty and bored, he enjoyed a new game. And, Mom, Taylor says thanks. I've added some videos to our youtube page marked private, so if you want to see them email me or comment here and I'll add you. Or request to be a friend there. (sister, mother, hello?) So, here is a quick tour of the new place. The dark room is the laundry room and leads to the garage, and the closed doors are a bathroom and bedroom. And, now we have a date with a pirate. And, hopefully, no one will bring up anything political this weekend! What a joke! And are you kidding me? That is all I want to say, but I have the feeling that Trent is so going to go there (hopefully not this weekend).

glue and waste

I feel like walking into the nearest mall and shouting, "I wouldn't shop here with George Bush's money!" I don't shop. No, seriously, I don't shop, especially for clothes. I am not completely against shopping, if you need something, obviously you have to go get it somewhere. I buy groceries (well, I buy raw ingredients mostly) and when there is a special occasion, I run into Target and grab a dress (not an exaggeration). There are many reasons I don't shop, the most important being, I don't have the money. We have 3 kids, one dog, and one income. Not to mention that we homeschool, so I have to buy things that the school once provided. Good reason, right? But, there are other reasons. Even before I "decided" to stay home and give up income, I didn't shop; partly because, hello? I was working all the time. However, really, I have just never enjoyed walking around spending money. And, now the things I am looking for are obscure school tools like petri dishes and solar panels, so going to the mall is no good. Generally, I search once, find it online and order it. I am definitely someone who would be lost without UPS. If only they could go solar. Also, much to the disappointment of multiple women in my family, (who constantly give me advice on apparel; advice I really do appreciate) I still don't really "care" what clothes I wear. For comfort reasons I'd like it to fit, everything else rarely occurs to me. That brings me to a reason that I am a little embarrassed about; I am spoiled. I don't have tons of "new" things, and I don't get everything or even most things that I want. But, I get a lot of "hand me downs" and "if you want this"; and even better, I get "I found this at a yardsale". I know that I am very lucky in this regard, and it also takes an attitude of "this is enough". My kids have never needed clothes because of all my aunts and cousins with kids. And, because they have wonderful grandmothers who like to shop. I am constantly being given clothes; I think there may be a conspiracy to dress me better. I actually love this for two reasons, the one I have mentioned, the other is that I like to reuse things. I always have passed on our babies clothes and our "fat" clothes; it actually makes me a little mad when people throw clothes in the trash that could be worn (or donated to homeless shelter). I have mentioned "losing myself" before. I felt that way most during the year when I pretended to care about my appearance. I tried really hard to remember makeup in the morning and to pick out my clothes, instead of just picking them up (he he). It was ridiculous; first, I was way bigger than I'd ever been and I hated it. I didn't want to dress myself in "finer" clothes (whatever that means), I wanted to look better. Also, I had to go to stores and stand there thinking "does this look good?". It was during this time that I realized why I don't care what I wear. I don't care about impressing people who are impressed by clothing, and I really don't like waste and destruction. So, did I mention I don't shop. Now, why am I on this rant. Because, as I have been steadily losing weight, my clothes have been getting baggier. My lovely family has noticed, and has stepped up to remedy my wardrobe. (Although, I have actually had to buy 6 outfits in the past year, on my own, to keep up, that is a record for me. And, yes, they all looked, sort of, normal.) Today, I received a bag of shorts (really cute stuff, although still a size too big) in an American Eagle shopping bag. Which brings me to the reason that not having money to shop doesn't bother me. Are you kidding me? How much cheaper can glue be in Mexico? At least it isn't Bangladesh, which is where the shorts (yes, American Eagle labeled shorts) came from. I am more proud to wear them as "hand me downs" than I would have been if I had paid for them myself.

Goodbye?

One of the few great things about the moving delays, is that the yard is full of golden silk spiders and their beautiful webs. I didn't take many pictures, but I will try to this week. The rain from the storm was great for the field and parts of the yard, but the palms have looked better. They are nice and thick with leaves though. I wanted to capture the sound of our yard. We really enjoy listening to all the insects. However, the video is not so good. I am disappointed, with the field so tall, they are especially loud today so I thought it would work. There were a lot of dragonflies and other flying (some stinging) bugs out today. It is really fun to watch the dragonflies do loops through pockets of mosquitoes. Provided, of course, the mosquitoes are far enough away. Well, there it is, one more "farewell" to the yard we don't seem to be leaving. =)

Picking up Steam

Well, things around here are back at about half-speed. Trent is getting into longer hours, but not too long; we can't play the game yet, but school is in, reluctantly. Although the move is still hanging over the house like a cloud, we have no choice but to pretend it isn't happening until it does. I am thoroughly behind (though mostly on the non-essential mom-learning, notes, bloggy, and pictures type things; and laundry, as usual) but, some things just can't be put on hold. I only get 7 more years to educate Taylor, I can't "summer" forever. (Although right now he claims that he will live at home until he is "at least 20". And will hear none of our "that will change talk".) And really, compared to life before homeschooling, things are pretty relaxed even when it really gets going. However, Taylor will only be 10 for 2 more months, regardless of when we move. And, Trevor's birthday is less than a month away. But enough moaning and groaning, I actually can't wait to get everything going. Even if the timing just keeps getting more and more ...challenging... shall we say. But, also more exciting. As you can see, the pictures are the same year round. One reason I separated the school blog is that the game inspires camera use; Sparkcharts math conversations, and storytime do not. But, Taylor tried to create a slingshot, which was funny. It did work one time at first, then several failed attempts; and then one final, Hogan pleasing success. In the meantime, Trevor made his own fun. And of course, some more fun with boxes.

Peek at familiarity...

I just wanted to share this blog because the story is familiar to us. We didn't get/go through 16 months of this, only 3 mos 23 days, much shorter, but still very similar. All the specialists, the NICU, the surprises, and the lack of information all are familiar. So is the overwhelming love for the child, despite the struggle. My heart broke when I learned that he died suddenly; I had been rooting for James. But, the account of the night he died and the next morning is eerily familiar to us. This couple did get a diagnosis, also, we didn't. Also, a little coincidence, they lost (through miscarriage, I gather) another child. A girl who would have had the middle name Jewel. Something that I am sure will cause much more distress for this couple since they have also lost James. I sincerely hope that they do get a beautiful baby to love, and I am glad that our story has taken a good turn. I (obviously) am glad that it has been years since I was where they are now; the years ahead for them are sure to be "impossible". I remember just wishing that I could turn life off for a while and just deal with it. But, I am pretty sure that wouldn't help anyway. I am sharing this for those of you who did not experience Ethan with us first hand. I am sure that as I get better at this, I will share more about him. But, this is close to the experience, although this couple is obviously devoted to God. We believed when we had Ethan, and when he died; it was actually years later that my true feelings came out. In a way, I am glad it happened that way; it was easier to accept and live with when we believed he was an angel and that he was "better" in heaven. Anyway, thought I'd share.

A little economy to consider...

Listening to Crunch (Jared Bernstein) led to a little searching. I found a little from Bernstein, a little Milton Friedman, Ayn Rand, then to TED.... (I'm hopeless) and so, a little learning to share with Taylor, when he gets back from the mudhole.