Just happy, and that's all...

I am not ready to really start blogging again, but I am compelled to post today.  It was a day like old times.  I took all the kids to MOSI.  We caught an IMAX movie, played on the ropes course, and just in general had an excellent time.  I was so proud of Trevor's skills on the course and then suddenly he pushed himself a little too far on one obstacle and had to get off the course to gather himself, it was adorable.  Jewel tried very hard and crossed many obstacles that I didn't think she'd try and I had to convince her to come down with me.  Morlynn and Taylor got to try the zipline and seemed to like it, but more than anything they had fun teaching the little ones anything they could.  Then we were able to come home to a real house, a home with our favorite things, and have a meal that I could cook without tripping around a tiny trailer.  I finally finished all the unpacking last week and I got the last pieces of furniture I needed too, so there is only a little painting and hanging things left so I can sit and breathe and look around without feeling stressed about all the work I see.  I am not finished, but whew, it feels good to be this far today.  I will soon make a final video of the house and post about all the work it took to get here.  Tonight, however, we are watching a movie together and enjoying our lovely little patchwork house. 

Full circle...almost

We are very happily moving back to the patchwork house.  I was very shocked and disappointed to see what has happened to it over the five years since we lived there.  It is trashed.  Every wall that we painted is drawn on or painted over.  Every fixture leaking or disgusting.  The bathroom we rebuilt is trashed, the walls are filthy and the full of holes and the roof and ceiling fans are covered in webs.  The beautiful tree is painted (yes, patches right on the trunk). The yard is overgrown and the fig tree is covered in moss.  However, the banana tree is still alive and I think I can somehow save or reproduce the fig tree.  I would like to do something better with the fence out front and it is covered in vines.  But, oh!  The house!  It is atrocious.  I will post some pics soon.  I hope I can start blogging again with this new beginning. I should also go back and show the pirate ship times too.  It has been happy if a little cramped.  I can't imagine where I'd be without my family.  I am so glad that I can get into this place with a yard and space, and especially a landlord who will not throw me out (and rent that is low enough for me to start my life again.)  What a relief to know that all I have before me is a little hard work to get to a reliable home for us.  One that will last long enough to get finished with school.  Oh yes, school.  With the move being delayed because the tennants fought to stay in the dump they called home, and now the work to fix the house school is suffering.  Also, I have three weeks until finals and tests to take.  This is going to end poorly, but I can't do anything to fix it.  I must sacrifice school for this move.  Just another in a long string of sacrifices made by me so that....disgusting, selfish, I'm better off starting over.  A lot has been lost though, things that were worth preserving.  I am still sad about all that has been lost, especially because innocent people are the ones losing things.  Hopefully this is the turning of the tide, hopefully we all start gaining back things now. 

I see it all so clearly now,

So interesting, the number of things you don't notice until you are free of them.  My happiness is not for sale.  Nice try.

fair

I am excited about the future.  That is all.

solution

I miss you and I don't even know what that means.  Time.

Although so much has already changed and I knew it was coming.  The final day of this life is tomorrow.  I will only be taking small parts of the past into the new life that begins tomorrow evening.  I don't know how I feel about it, but I know how I plan to handle it. 

so much effing pain.  no way out except through.  been here before but dragging more baggage this time.  people forget who you have been, who you have been for them, what you have been through, how strong you are already being.  sometimes they just don't know.  sometimes it seems like the people closest to you are discounting the effect that living has had on you. i am exhausted and my body aching from the strain.   being a burden is not my style, this has got to be changed.  i have got to change it. :/

stolen season

going back to memories too soon, never becoming memories, who knows

Happy Birthdays

Ethan's birthday was the sixth, mine just happened and Taylor's too. Yippee! We have had a great past week. Some things are up in the air, some things are being ignored, and some things are being pillaged for pleasure. Business as usual for the pirate ship, laughing and honesty, jokes and learning. Good times and moving forward and finding happiness. :)