to my dearest son, (the older one).....

excuse me....

Is it bad that I am now excited about the idea of daycare for the babies? I am sometimes also very sad about aspects of it, but I expect the negative aspect of it to be minimal and mostly offset. I don't expect the "rushed" lifestyle to return completely, because I am not trying to fit in 8 or 9 (or 12) hours of work, only a few hours of school. Also, the house will not need as much attention and the kitchen will get a break in the afternoon. One thing that I neglected to acknowledge in the past is that there is still the same amount of laundry, and the evening schedule is still the same. But, I expect the school schedule will allow enough extra time to handle those two constants. I suppose it is just replacing some "chasing babies" time with classes and cleaning house with studying, but if you've had your fill of boring housework, it is a welcome replacement. I will miss the babies and their games and laughter, but it isn't always games and laughter and I will still have plenty of time in the afternoons to spend with them. It will not be like it was when I worked until even just 5pm. (I have to keep reassuring myself that the maddness of "working mom" is not returning yet. I want to postpone that for a while longer.) My sheltered little world of "not having to balance" has been forever disrupted and now I am weighing my "teaching" with my "learning", and trying to carefully balance it. I can't imagine the stress my body and mind would be under if I had to also "work". Excuse me from my excuses, I have to untangle a slinky and build a clay "creature".

tidbit about class...

Tonight's class got into a tiny little debate over the definition of love. Most of the class took great offense to the idea that "love does not exist" as the professor phrased it. I understood his point that the "romantic notion" of love that most of the class (pretty much all except me) agreed with and defended. Every one of their arguments were easily countered with either neurological explanations or cross-cultural comparisons, but it seemed that the loudest defender was hung up on the idea that by even mentioning this idea the teacher was somehow trying to make us all conform to his way of viewing it. (shaking my head) It seemed too pointless to debate anything after that disturbing diversion into "not getting it land". However, I think that his point that as a scientist analyzing culture "love" as many Americans believe in it is not a universal idea, was completely lost to all but a few. I am certain that my view that "love is a choice" and even worse that you shouldn't base your belief in love on "biological responses" defined me as evil to a few in the class. Well, maybe not, but it was fun to debate. Only the smallest portion of the class seemed totally appalled.

return of the "environmental" blog...

I am sitting with the babies watching this movie and it is fantastic and possibly eye opening. I can't help myself, here is the link. The images are breathtaking and the information is also accurate and straitforward. The entire movie is available online also, it seems.

on reassurance...

Gabe and Mandy stopped by tonight because we didn't have any children and Mandy has never been to visit since we moved. And, she just happens to teach fifth grade. While checking out our classroom, she read over a summary paragraph that Taylor left on the wipe-off board on the wall. I am confident that I understand the ultimate goal, for writing, by the end of high school. But, I am not sure about where in the learning process we "should" be by 5th grade. However, after a short conversation about what we are learning and seeing what Taylor is capable of on his own, she has assured me that he is slightly ahead of the fifth grade goals. That is great to hear, because it is one of the few things that I was less confident about with our schooling style. So, with a friendly visit, came some welcome reassurance. Of course, she coupled it with some less comforting woes, as she is working on her masters, and I am facing that in a few years. It is frightening to hear her worries about the workload and time involved, as they do not have children and I am up to my elbows in them. Still, at least I can anticipate and prepare. Fun night, great advice, and fantastic conversation. And now, a quiet, empty house, I may just stay up late to enjoy it longer. Buenos noche.

weekend with dad...

some things I really enjoy...

Man, do I love a fun and intelligent conversation, I am not sure about the rest of the class, but the teacher is very fun to talk to. Class (even if I only have one) is a fantastic addition to each week. I am really excited about the challenges of next semester, now that I have reassured myself that I, one, want to do this, and two, have the ability to complete it. I just received the points for my first three "assignments" so to speak, and although we lost two points of ten on the group paper, I did receive all the points available for the project and the exam, so I am sporting a 98% right now. I am glad that I was forced to take this class, because it is my least favorite type of class, one with lots of reading and essays. I am not worried about any classes that involve only math or experiments and non-essay tests. Now that I know I can get myself through this kind of studying and writing, I know I can get through any of the other classes. Another phenomenon that I wasn't anticipating is that I am so grateful for the chance to go back to school, it seems, that I am more motivated than I remember being ten years ago. Not that I was failing then, but I don't remember enjoying the experience so much. So, what else do I really enjoy? The kids and hubby, of course. Here are some videos from the past few days. Daddy made the outside videos while I was in class one evening, and "ha ha ha" I didn't watch the last one until I just posted it. That is just a little joke between some of us (mimi, big daddy, and trent and me). I am not sure about the psychological repercussions, but Trevor refuses to be anyone's "boy" lately. He says, "No, Dad, I am just everyone's boy. Mom, tell him I can be everyone's boy." Very slick Trent. Only worse that when I was in the bed with Jewel she laughed and said, "Momma, Daddy's girl."

some stuff I scribbled about last week...

Last week, in the midst of exams and what not, I scribbled a few notes about Jewel. She is really talking now, sentences, desires, and even understanding. I asked her to turn on the light for the living room and she knew which of the four switches (all in a row) turned it on, hitting the right one the first time. Then, she cried outside Taylor's door until he went outside with her to play. When they came inside, she said, "I want to sing a song, Taylor." So, they sat at the keyboard and sang a song. She also found a necklace and bracelet of mine and wore it for hours showing everyone she saw, "Wook, neckwace, bacewet." So sweet. Trevor told me,"No, I will just stay home alone, I want to play my game on Nick Jr.", when I told him to get in the van. We were going to meet Trent with some lunch, but apparently that didn't jive with his plans for his Saturday afternoon. On the school front, we have found ourselves lost in neurons, thanks to the course that Taylor has been watching, and coincidentally I have several recent magazines with articles that are related. Two recent issues of Discover and one from Natural History magazine have articles about the role of the neuron in the brain's functions. I really didn't know if Taylor would be able to follow them if I read them to him, but in true "taylor" fashion, he followed and enjoyed the one I've had time to read to him. He really can just learn from anything, which is going to be especially helpful next semester. I am going to start full-time school, assuming I can get the babies into a daycare by then. I know, I know, I hate it too. But, it isn't the first time that poor decisions in my past have created undesirable options in my present. What can you do? I plan to plan (and carry out) one learning activity each day with them, after daycare, just to keep with our "homeschooling" lifestyle. And, I don't expect that they babies will hate it, they will enjoy it, like all "adaptable" children do. Taylor has decided he will continue to homeschool, even if that means working alone while I am in class. We have devised a system (using webcams, phones, and chat) that will allow us to stay in contact even while I am in class (most of the time) and he has proved himself to be trustworthy and self-motivated, so I don't expect it to be a problem. But, I am concerned that he might get lonely. I will continue to offer public school as a temporary option, and we'll just take it one semester at a time. I will get more time alone with Taylor because of this arrangement as well, time without the babies interrupting our lesson, so we are both looking forward to that. Some days it takes hours to watch a 30 minute lecture because of all the babies' distractions. Overall, it should be an exciting semester, and if we totally hate it, we will go back to evening classes and part-time school for mom. I don't expect to hate it, but mine is not the only view that matters.

"tea-time conversation"

Usually they play through their popsicles, but with Taylor absent (about which Trevor is not thrilled), they decided to sit together and talk. The conversation was hilarious, with Trevor trying to have a realistic conversation with Jewel who is babbling any word she knows with very little sense involved. Earlier this week, Taylor made some baloon animals. The babies popped their dogs before I took a picture, but here is a giraffe and he made a big flower. And, for my mom, I post this... These are the chairs that Morlynn and Taylor used to sit in to wait for the bus, 3 years ago, when Trevor was learning to walk and talk, and Jewel was still nursing. Man, was that really only 3 years ago, it feels like it was a decade at least. Also, I grew a cabbage, and broccoli looks like something from a Seuss story if you don't harvest it.

I did it!

4,000 words, 4 essays, and one in class presentation in 4 days. And I didn't neglect my teaching duties with the kids. I can't believe it, and it wasn't easy, but I think I probably am still in the running for an A in this class. So, what did I neglect to get this done, the house. Now I will be scrubbing up messes, folding laundry, running errands, cleaning bathrooms, and picking up toys for at least 2 days. But, it was a great first test of my ability to handle school and my other duties, because it was a lot of research and time consuming writing all at one time. I needed to get some practice with essays again, because it has been more than 10 years since I had to write one. I am not disappointed with my effort either, it all came back to me in time to really clean them up nicely. Although I had a poor conclusion paragraph on the last one, that is really the only thing I can think of that I would change. We'll see. I am even more excited now, because we may enroll the kids in daycare program for next semester, so I can start going full-time. Oh boy!